“It was a dark and stormy night…”

Yes, those words won me a “dishonorable mention” in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest in 1985…and the competition is still going strong!

This whole debacle even landed me on the front page of the local news section in the exceptionally lucrative journalism gold mine known as the Eugene Register-Guard. While my dad had the article laminated many moons ago – and I was going to scan it for you (with my horrifying mug shot blacked out) – I managed to find a microfiche copy online. The ONLY reason I’m including this is because the photo is barely visible. Seriously, I was SO ungodly 12 years old and awkward and ugly-duckling-hideous that no one, NO ONE should ever see this picture in its full horrendousness. The braces, the perm, the “Will I ever grow into this thing?!” national landmark in the middle of my face…I don’t even know where to start. I looked like Screech in drag.

P.S. Probably no one is shocked that even then my writing was bordering on wholly inappropriate.

P.P.S. I like how contest winner Sean won “a computer.” That’s as descriptive as anyone got about the digital world back then.

P.P.P.S. Note the next bit in the column – the weight room at the Eugene Elks Lodge. In Eugene, hot and sweaty senior citizens are where it’s at.

Overheard in Ballard

Tonight: Annesha and I are walking home from dinner at La Carta de Oaxaca – boxes of chocolate and vanilla cupcakes in hand after a PMS-fueled stop at Cupcake Royale.

Super dirty homeless man, ogling us both: “I like blondes. But hey….brunettes are OK too.”

Silly me. I thought he meant the cupcakes.

Tuesday design junkie happiness

Oh yippity yippers!! Design*Sponge updated their Seattle design guide just in time for summer window shopping strolls. I love the many shout-outs to my ‘hood, Ballard – all my favorites (shops and restaurants) are on the list, which is nice to see! One fave that wasn’t included, however, is Venue – a great artists’ collective selling unique wares…and the artists’ studios are right there on site. That means you can talk to them about their work or commissioned pieces while you shop. I’ve picked up so many great finds here. HIGHLY recommend.

While this is a terrific, comprehensive list, I have to say I’m disappointed that KOAP Home in Kirkland wasn’t included…so let me give Diane a reigning endorsement of my own right here.

Oh lordy, this is funny

P.S. Can you BELIEVE this is in someone’s BACKYARD?! Hi, do they need some new friends for the summer? I’d like to volunteer. I’m charming, chatty, make a pretty mean roasted asparagus dish, and look half decent in a bikini.

(Props to the always fabulous Jamie Meares of I Suwannee for this morning video chucklefest!)

Goat mama

I’m an adoptive parent!! To a lovely little goat named Annie, who resides at the Farm Sanctuary shelter in northern California. Her adoption paperwork arrived in the mail today and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m sponsoring her for a full year and am planning to visit the California shelter to meet her before that year is up!

Annie and her two sons, Hal and Goodall, were rescued from a slaughterhouse where they were being abused and neglected – and were literally fighting for their lives. Despite her rough road in life, the Farm Sanctuary crew tells me Annie has retained her loving spirit and persevered – she is a doting mother, protective and kind, and loves dried fruit and apples! 🙂 To read more about Annie, her sons, and their friends who were also rescued from this cruel environment, check out their story.

For more on Farm Sanctuary – an amazing organization that rescues animals from the inhumane practices of the factory farm industry – check out their story.

And for a big smile, feel free to visit Nicopedia any time to check out Annie’s happy grin. 🙂

P.S. The irony isn’t lost on me that Annie is the name of my parents’ beloved schnauzer, who passed away three years ago. RIP, sweet girl. Your spirit lives on.

W.A.N.T.

Saw this at Lahaina Galleries while in Hawaii. Gawd, it’s SOOOO me. Artists are Peter and Madeline Powell, who live on Maui, are superbly talented, and all in all, just totally rock.

Wouldn’t this pupper look SMASHING over my mantel?!!!! I’ll stay mum on the $$$ – which is the main (OK, only) reason I arrived home in Seattle empty art-handed.

34 x 48, giclee on canvas, edition size: *25.* Should I…well, bite the bullet?!

Lezzies love The Bieb

Move over, mullet. The Bieber Bowl Cut transcends all sexual orientations.

Daily art fix

Wow, am I a negligent blogger. So first up – apologies.

Second – culture. Brought to you by lady of brilliance, Natalie Dee. I just discovered her like, five seconds ago, while searching for an image to accompany the last post and I’m already an uber-fan.

Jolly goodness.

Nicole needs…

Image: Natalie Dee

Gee golly, what did we do before Facebook and blogs took up all our time? I came across this post on the WordPress “blogs o’ the day” feature – the deal is you Google your name followed by “needs” and note the first 10 things that pop up in your results. Here’s what the interwebs says about me:

1. Nicole needs a boob job
2. Nicole needs friends
3. Nicole needs a husband
4. Nicole needs a share in Statesboro, GA
5. Nicole needs your prayers
6. Nicole needs fan mail
7. Nicole needs to stop with the name calling
8. Nicole needs to work her magic
9. Nicole needs a job
10. Nicole needs an urban love nest

Ummmm….WOW.

On the other hand, I do NOT need to floss. That I’ve actually got a decent handle on.