“It was a dark and stormy night…”

Yes, those words won me a “dishonorable mention” in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest in 1985…and the competition is still going strong!

This whole debacle even landed me on the front page of the local news section in the exceptionally lucrative journalism gold mine known as the Eugene Register-Guard. While my dad had the article laminated many moons ago – and I was going to scan it for you (with my horrifying mug shot blacked out) – I managed to find a microfiche copy online. The ONLY reason I’m including this is because the photo is barely visible. Seriously, I was SO ungodly 12 years old and awkward and ugly-duckling-hideous that no one, NO ONE should ever see this picture in its full horrendousness. The braces, the perm, the “Will I ever grow into this thing?!” national landmark in the middle of my face…I don’t even know where to start. I looked like Screech in drag.

P.S. Probably no one is shocked that even then my writing was bordering on wholly inappropriate.

P.P.S. I like how contest winner Sean won “a computer.” That’s as descriptive as anyone got about the digital world back then.

P.P.P.S. Note the next bit in the column – the weight room at the Eugene Elks Lodge. In Eugene, hot and sweaty senior citizens are where it’s at.

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2 responses to ““It was a dark and stormy night…”

  1. Nikki – this is outstanding, photo and all. Much sexier topic than my 1985 writing of “my town Stoughton” where the Woman’s Club gave us $5 for winning. That photo will never be shown!

    • OK, now you’re on the hook to share that one. Yup. Hey, at least you got $5 – that’s pretty rad! I was supposed to get that “parchment certificate” and it never arrived. All I have is the Screech in drag snapshot to haunt me for a lifetime.

      P.S. Nikki = secret former nickname leaked to the masses. Damn.

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