This whole debacle even landed me on the front page of the local news section in the exceptionally lucrative journalism gold mine known as the Eugene Register-Guard. While my dad had the article laminated many moons ago – and I was going to scan it for you (with my horrifying mug shot blacked out) – I managed to find a microfiche copy online. The ONLY reason I’m including this is because the photo is barely visible. Seriously, I was SO ungodly 12 years old and awkward and ugly-duckling-hideous that no one, NO ONE should ever see this picture in its full horrendousness. The braces, the perm, the “Will I ever grow into this thing?!” national landmark in the middle of my face…I don’t even know where to start. I looked like Screech in drag.
P.S. Probably no one is shocked that even then my writing was bordering on wholly inappropriate.
P.P.S. I like how contest winner Sean won “a computer.” That’s as descriptive as anyone got about the digital world back then.
P.P.P.S. Note the next bit in the column – the weight room at the Eugene Elks Lodge. In Eugene, hot and sweaty senior citizens are where it’s at.